HELP
Yesterday, I told you that there are four things you must possess to achieve peace and happiness. You listened to me dive deep into the first step: You must have a healthy body and a healthy mind.
Link to The First Step blog post.
One thing I failed to mention is something imperative to having a healthy mind—having your human needs met.
Below, I have broken down the ten most widely recognized fundamental human needs. These needs are essential for well-being, growth, and self-actualization.
Physiological needs: These are basic needs for survival, such as air, water, food, sleep, and shelter.
Safety and security needs: The need to feel safe, secure, and free from threats of harm, violence, or chaos.
Belongingness and love needs: The need to feel loved, accepted, and belonging within relationships and social groups.
Esteem needs: The need for self-respect, self-esteem, confidence, achievement, and respect from others.
Self-actualization needs: The need to reach one’s full potential, pursue personal growth, and achieve a sense of meaning and purpose.
Cognitive needs: The need to learn, explore, understand, and make sense of the world around us.
Aesthetic needs: The need for beauty, order, and experiencing pleasurable sensations.
Transcendence needs: The need to connect with something greater than oneself, whether through spirituality, art, nature, or a higher purpose.
Autonomy and control needs: The need to feel in control of one’s life and experiences and to have freedom of choice and independence.
Competence and mastery needs: The need to feel capable and effective and to develop skills and mastery over tasks or areas of life.
If you are struggling to establish a healthy mind despite focusing on having a healthy body, there may be an area of that list you need to take control over. To start a path of self-improvement, I would encourage you to journal on each of the ten and rate yourself, underneath today’s date, on a scale of 1–10 if you think you are fulfilling those needs. This will allow you to figure out which area to focus on first.
A couple of days ago, I created a gift for anyone who joins a new Facebook group I made for real estate agents. Well, I just spent some time creating a version for you. It is my Be Present Manifesto, and I went ahead and added 10 Tips for Fulfillment (through the improvement of your human needs). I am proud of it, and you can download a copy of the book to thank you for being a Medium reader and subscriber by clicking this link.
Do you know why having your human needs met is so crucial?
Meeting our basic physiological needs, such as air, water, food, sleep, shelter, and feeling safe from harm, is a matter of survival. Without satisfying these most basic needs, little else is possible.
The human needs, like belongingness, esteem, and self-actualization, are intricately tied to our mental and emotional health. Unmet needs in these areas can lead to psychological issues like depression, anxiety, low self-worth, and a lack of life satisfaction.
According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, higher-level needs like esteem and self-actualization motivate continued personal growth once lower needs are met. Satisfying growth needs allows us to reach our full human potential.
The need for love and belonging is deeply tied to our ability to form secure attachments and have healthy, fulfilling interpersonal relationships throughout life.
When our needs for autonomy, competence, meaning, and purpose go chronically unmet, we experience feelings of apathy and alienation and struggle to find satisfaction or engagement with life activities.
There are clear links between unmet psychological needs and stress, which can negatively impact physiological health by affecting the immune system, cardiovascular function, and other biological processes.
So now, with that new reminder of how important it is to meet our human needs and its link to having a “healthy body and healthy mind,” let’s dive into what I think is step two on that checklist of four items we must have for happiness and peace…
Emotional Intelligence
e·mo·tion·al in·tel·li·gence (ĭ-mō’shə-nəl ĭn’tə-lĭ-jəns) n.
The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
The ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.
Synonyms: EQ, emotional quotient, emotional competence, psychological mindedness
Emotional intelligence, emphasizing self-awareness, is the second thing you must have to live happily and peacefully. It involves being aware of and being able to control and express one’s own emotions; it includes the ability to perceive and respond to others’ emotions empathetically, and it allows one to use emotional awareness to guide rational thinking and behavior. Without it, one cannot be happy.
So, how can one work to achieve emotional intelligence?
Developing emotional intelligence is a process that requires consistent self-awareness, purposeful strategies, and diligent practice. Begin by increasing your self-awareness—pay close attention to your emotions throughout the day and identify triggers. You can even keep a journal to track patterns. Once you can recognize your feelings, work on developing self-regulation techniques like reframing negative thoughts, deep breathing exercises, or temporarily walking away from stressful situations.
Building empathy is also vital—seeing things from other people’s perspectives. Ask questions to understand their feelings without judgment, and read stories to resonate with others’ experiences. Improve your social skills by becoming an active listener who gives engaged nonverbal feedback and communicates responses appropriately. When conflicts arise, resolve them through compromise.
View critical feedback from others as an opportunity for growth rather than taking it personally. (Just be careful whose feedback you are considering.) Increase your motivation by identifying internal drivers and setting goals that create meaning and purpose, breaking significant objectives into manageable steps. Observe how emotionally intelligent people you admire respond in different situations. Formal EQ assessments can highlight strengths and areas needing focus.
While this might not be necessary, you can consider getting a coach or mentor trained in emotional intelligence development techniques to provide customized guidance. Above all, remember that building emotional intelligence is an ongoing process, not a destination. It requires continuous self-evaluation and conscious efforts. With patience and dedicated practice, you can improve your abilities.
If self-awareness and emotional intelligence are new concepts to you and you find the concept overwhelming, I want you to remember one word: Humility.
Humility is being modest, respectful, and humble — the opposite of pride or arrogance. It involves having a modest view of one’s importance and accomplishments.
Some aspects of humility include:
Openness to feedback — Listening to others’ perspectives and critiques without becoming defensive or conceited.
Keeping accomplishments in perspective — Recognizing that one’s achievements are rarely individual efforts but built on the work of many others.
Gratitude — Feeling and expressing thankfulness for the contributions and support of others.
Restraint—Not needing to promote oneself or one’s accomplishments constantly; allowing good work to speak for itself.
Respecting others — Treating everyone with dignity regardless of status or position. Not looking down on those one considers “beneath” them.
Humility allows one to continue learning and growing, as the humble person does not falsely believe they have all the answers. It promotes emotional intelligence, empathy, and stronger relationships. At its core, humility means having a secure sense of self-worth that doesn’t require external adulation or putting others down.
So, we have covered two of the four: healthy body/healthy mind, emotional intelligence, and now you are ready for longevity…
What do I mean by longevity? — This one is simple, don’t worry.
Longevity means proactive or frequent nourishment of food, water, sleep, and community.
Nutrition lays the foundation — fueling our bodies and minds by making wholesome food choices that provide energy, regulate bodily functions, and support overall health. Clean eating is essential for longevity.
Adequate hydration is also vital. Water aids in flushing toxins, carrying nutrients, and promoting healthy organ function. Proper hydration boosts energy levels and cognitive performance.
Quality sleep allows our bodies to rest, recover, and reset for peak functioning. Insufficient or fragmented sleep can contribute to many health issues over time. Prioritizing 7–9 hours nightly nurtures longevity.
Finally, community and solid social bonds feed our need for belonging, love, and support. Nurturing relationships and feeling connected buffers stress and enhances psychological well-being for the long haul.
By consistently paying attention to these core inputs—healthy foods, proper hydration, restorative sleep, and maintaining an enriching community—we set ourselves up for increased vitality, resilience, and the ability to thrive long-term. Longevity is truly fueled by frequent, high-quality self-nourishment.
While this might sound like I am repeating where we started—human needs—I need you to remember that frequent nourishment of those human needs is simplified into one word: longevity. This really is how you will live a longer, healthier life.
So, healthy body/healthy mind, emotional intelligence, longevity, and drumroll, please, purpose.
My favorite perception of purpose is that of definiteness of purpose. Napoleon Hill first defined this for the masses in Think and Grow Rich, a book he published in 1937 that led to the end of The Great Depression.
Hill emphasized the importance of having a clear, unwavering, and definite purpose as a key factor in achieving success and realizing one’s desires.
According to Napoleon Hill, the definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all accomplishment. He believed that without a definite purpose, one’s desires become mere wishes, lacking the focus, direction, and burning desire necessary to manifest them into reality.
In his next book, Outwitting the Devil, which was an unpublished manuscript for 70 years, he discusses this “lack of…” as “drifting.” You are either driven or drifting. Drifting is the root of all bad. The “devil” related drifting to sinning. (It is such a good book. I highly recommend it to anyone feeling lost or wanting to change their life!)
Hill defined the definiteness of purpose as “the knowledge of what one wants and a burning desire to possess it.” He stressed that this purpose should be specific, measurable, and time-bound and accompanied by a burning desire that fuels persistent and continuous effort.
Hill’s concept of definiteness of purpose is closely tied to other principles he outlined in Think and Grow Rich, such as the power of the mind, the importance of autosuggestion (which he called “self-suggestion”), and the role of faith and belief in achieving one’s goals.
While Napoleon Hill was instrumental in popularizing the concept of definiteness of purpose, other authors have also emphasized the importance of having a clear purpose or direction in life:
Victor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, wrote in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” about the importance of finding meaning and purpose.
Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche reexamined and revalued traditional moral, religious, and philosophical values through a lens of perspectivism, self-overcoming, and embracing the complex realities of the human will to power in his essays, aphorisms, prose poems, and philosophical critiques that led to becoming the foundation to others’ philosophical works.
In “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen Covey emphasized the importance of beginning with the end in mind, essentially having a clear and definite purpose.
In “The Alchemist,” Paulo Coelho’s story explores pursuing one’s “Personal Legend” or life’s purpose.
To better emphasize the fundamental importance of discovering and committing to a clear sense of purpose as the key to living a significant and fulfilled life, I wanted to supplement Hill’s teachings with an exploration of Frankl’s, Nietzsche’s, Covey’s, and Coelho’s perspectives.
Viktor Frankl:
Suffering is inevitable, but we have the freedom to choose our attitude towards it and find meaning in even the most difficult circumstances.
Having a clear purpose or meaning in life can provide the psychological fortitude to endure immense hardship and suffering.
Love, through caring for another person, can provide purpose and meaning even in the most dehumanizing situations.
Friedrich Nietzsche:
The concept of the “will to power” — striving to achieve one’s full potential and embracing life’s challenges as opportunities for growth.
The importance of creating one’s own values and moral code, rather than blindly accepting societal norms.
Emphasizing the role of self-overcoming and self-mastery in living an authentic and meaningful existence.
He famously stated, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
Stephen Covey:
Begin with the end in mind — having a clear vision of your desired direction and destination in life.
Put first things first — prioritizing what’s truly important over the merely urgent.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood — practicing empathic listening to better cooperate with others.
Paulo Coelho:
Following your “Personal Legend” or deepest desires is the path to a meaningful life.
The universe is conspiring to help those pursuing their destiny with courage and persistence.
If you remain attentive, simple things like omens and recurring signs can guide you toward your life’s purpose.
Finding your life’s purpose is deeply personal and often takes time, patience, and an open mindset. This process can take many years. Experiences, conversations, self-reflection, and self-exploration will help lead you to a profound sense of meaning for yourself. But to achieve this, one must be awake, present, and actively searching.
The journey involves remaining keenly aware and attentive to the people, activities, and values that resonate most deeply within you. Notice when you feel most alive, passionate, and intrinsically motivated. Those breadcrumb trails reveal important clues about your calling.
This quest requires solitude for periods of sincere self-investigation. Explore your innate talents, fundamental beliefs, and what circumstances allow you to lose track of time. Your purpose lies in the intersection of what you’re good at and what you care about most.
Perspective from others also plays a vital role. Engage in conversations. It is possible that outside observations about your gifts and blind spots can illuminate paths previously unseen, but be protective of your mind. The true answer to your purpose in life is deep within you and was given to you at birth.
Most importantly, approach this process with curiosity, humility, and patience. Your purpose likely won’t reveal itself in one blinding epiphany but through accumulating insights over time. Embrace uncertainties. Move fluidly between action and reflection, adjusting until you feel fervently aligned.
By remaining open, engaged in life, and committed to knowing yourself deeply, you’ll ultimately uncover the unique sense of meaning that can ground you and propel your journey toward fulfillment.
So, if you have a healthy body/mind, emotional intelligence, longevity, and purpose, this will lead to wholeness.
When I originally created this outline, it was for myself, and the four things you must have for happiness (I later added peace) was fulfillment, but after looking deeper within, it wasn't just fulfillment we need; it is wholeness.
I want to point out what I learned — There is an important distinction between fulfillment and wholeness:
Fulfillment refers to a deep sense of satisfaction, meaning, and meeting your most significant needs or desires. It is more centered on feeling fulfilled regarding purpose, relationships, achievements, etc.
Wholeness, on the other hand, implies a state of being complete, integrated and balanced across multiple dimensions of life—mind, body, emotions, relationships, spirituality, etc. It suggests unity and congruence but lacks essential aspects. But it leads to more than balance; it leads to harmony.
Some key differences:
Fulfillment focuses more specifically on meeting psychological needs like meaning and satisfaction. Wholeness encompasses overall well-being across various life domains.
One can feel a sense of fulfillment in one area (e.g., career) but lack wholeness if other areas (e.g., health, relationships) are neglected.
Wholeness requires harmony and balance between your internal and external realities. Fulfillment is more about meeting external desires/needs.
Achieving wholeness allows for greater fulfillment, but wholeness is more holistic and enduring than situational feelings of fulfillment.
So, fulfillment is more about satisfying your key needs, while wholeness is a more expansive state of integrated well-being and balance across all life areas. Wholeness creates the fertile ground for sustained fulfillment to take root.
I'm recapping because I want this to be your big day's takeaway… To have peace and happiness, you must have HELP: a healthy body/mind, emotional intelligence, longevity, and purpose.
It took me 37 years of breathing and 28 days of seeing to bring this to you.
My hope is that this finds you exactly where you are and is the beginning of something that will change your life, because my true purpose in life is to help people find peace and happiness by aligning their brains and their hearts.
With love,
Jo
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